The Hero and The Beast
by SpirallingHarmony
Summary: "He wondered idly whether or not an annoying hero would be better than a brainless beauty at curse breaking." The Hetalia version of Beauty and the Beast! RussiaxAmerica Rated M because these two together can't be rated anything else.
1. Chapter 1: Once Upon a Time

Chapter 1: Once Upon a Time

_Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away…_

_There lived a handsome, but cruel prince. The prince's kingdom was icy, cursed with a never-ending winter. Many passersby would stop by the castle, begging for shelter from the wicked gales and vicious hail. However, the prince would not take any of them in. Instead, he made a game out of opening the large, oaken double doors whenever someone should knock, just so he could refuse them and giggle at their miserable faces. _

_Sadly for all these rundown travelers, the prince's massive kingdom was directly in the middle of the continent. If one country wanted to trade with another, the merchants had to pass through the unforgiving territory of the cruel prince. So, this continued on for some years, the hapless merchants forced to find a place to rest elsewhere._

_One day, during a particularly bad blizzard, a knock was heard on those large, oaken double doors. The noise was so soft that it would have been missed, if the prince, who was on his daily sunflower-tending routine, hadn't been watering the potted sunflowers framing the doors. Hearing the knock, the prince snapped his head up, his sickeningly sweet smile widening in malicious glee. He immediately set down his watering can and skipped up to the doors._

_Wrenching them open, he looked down on the short and nearly frozen young man before him. The young man was blond with blue eyes that were colder than the surrounding snow and his clothes were merely rags. He was shivering violently, but despite that, his expression was neutral. Pasting on a sympathetic expression, the prince said, "Well, hello. What may I do for you?"_

_The young man looked up and answered, "Please, Prince, I am cold and hungry, and all I ask is to stay one night in your warm castle and for a bite of bread."_

_The prince pretended to think about it, and then shook his head at the blond. "_Нет. "

_The young man frowned (the first expression the prince saw since the start of the conversation) and tried to ask again. "But my Prince, surely you have room—" He was cut off by the other's giggles. _

"_I am sorry, but we do not have room for insufferable peasants like you. Leave now or I will have you forcibly removed. You wouldn't want that, _д_a?"_

_The blond narrowed his eyes a little. "Very well," he murmured quietly. The prince was about to shut the door in the man's face when a huge gust of wind suddenly pushed him back and blew open the doors of his palace. When he had recovered, the prince turned wide eyes to the entrance. _

_The young man was still there, but he didn't look like a dirty peasant any longer. He was dressed in the finest of clothes, with a royal blue cloak draped on his shoulders. He was also hovering slightly above the ground and his eyes shone with an ethereal light. The young man had become inhumanly beautiful, the snow seeming to caress him, and the prince's eyes widened as he realized that he had just offended an ice spirit. _

_The ice spirit lifted his arm and pointed one finger condemningly at the prince. "I came here to see if the rumors about you were true. Did you know, Prince, that hundreds upon hundreds of men die in the snowy wastelands that surround this castle? I thought it was suspicious that so many met this fate, but I never suspected it was your cruelty that did them in. Had it not been for that merchant who died cursing your name, I would never have known about your actions. This was a test, and I am sure that you are aware that you failed it miserably."_

_The prince swallowed the rising lump in his throat in order to defend himself. "O Spirit, why do you care what happens to those people? They are not even of this land."_

_The spirit became even more incensed at these words. "I am the ice spirit of these lands. Those people die by my hands; citizens or not, I will not be made a mass murderer."_

_The prince opened his mouth to continue his argument, but the spirit cut him off. "Prince, your words mean nothing. I came to you dressed as a peasant; I could have been a farmer of this land and not just some foreigner. But still you chose to shun me. As punishment for your wickedness, I place a curse upon you. Your outside shall now reflect the ugliness on the inside."_

_Reaching into his cloak, the ice spirit withdrew a sunflower. "If you do not find someone who will love you despite your faults before the last petal on this sunflower falls, you and your household will be thrown into the deepest pits of Hell." As he said this, the castle began to shake, as if an earthquake was taking place. The shaking stopped as soon as the spirit finished speaking, and the spirit himself vanished in a burst of white light._

_The prince shakily got up, and ignoring the alarmed cries of his servants and family, he lurched towards the nearest mirror he could find. Looking into it, he screeched, covering his face with one arm and violently throwing the mirror across the room with the other. A servant came running towards his master, intent on receiving orders on what to do about the after effects of the mini-quake, and screamed when he saw the thing wearing his master's clothes, sobbing on the floor in the fetal position._

_The servant dashed back towards the servant's quarters, yelling about the prince's transformation to all he came across. Soon, the large castle was vacated of all but the prince's family and those who were too loyal (or too afraid) to leave._

_Afterwards, the prince holed himself up in his castle. He shut the large wrought- iron gates and closed off all roads leading to his castle. He did this because he despaired, knowing that no one would love him now. He had nothing to offer anyone now that his good looks were gone. And so, he cut all means of communication with the world. He didn't want some person stumbling upon his castle and seeing not only his ugliness, but giving him false hope as well._

_To this day, the prince waits in his dark, cursed castle for the love which will lift the curse from him and his lands._

_

* * *

_

"The end!" a teenaged boy proudly proclaimed. He shut the book with a decisive snap and beamed at the small twin boys who were tucked snugly into the beds opposite him. The younger, quieter one had already fallen asleep, but the older twin was still very much awake. And he was furious.

"What? Iggy, there's no happy ending! What happened to the hero who's supposed to come and save that prince?"

The bushy-browed boy sighed. "It's _Arthur_, Alfred. And I guess this story doesn't have a happy ending. It stops there, with the cruel prince waiting in his castle. This story was meant to teach children a lesson about being cruel, I think."

The little boy frowned as he processed this. "But that's not right! A hero's supposed to come in the end and defeat all the monsters and make everyone happy! It's not fair that this prince didn't get a happy ending!"

The elder boy snorted. "If you ask me, he got what he deserved. He _did_ leave all those people to die in the snow."

Alfred frowned even more. "Maybe the prince didn't really know right from wrong. The ice spirit shouldn't have judged him so quickly! He didn't even get to know him. If the hero was there, he could have taught the prince that what he was doing was bad, and then none of this would have happened."

Arthur shook his head and smiled. Alfred was very young, but he already had a high set of morals. Standing, he kissed the boy's forehead, effectively ending the debate ("Ew! Iggy! I don't want your cooties!"). "Yes, yes, the hero would have solved everything. Luckily, this is just a story, so none of this actually happened. Go to bed now, Alfred. I'll see you in the morning. Good night."

Alfred grumbled a quick, "Night." before turning over in his bed. Arthur blew out the candle on the small table between the two beds, before walking out of the room. He didn't close the door completely, leaving it a bit ajar so that Alfred could be comforted by the light from the lanterns in the hallway.

The little boy in question twisted and turned in his bed, reflecting on that night's bedtime story. Then and there he promised to be a hero. Forgetting Arthur's words claiming that the story was merely fiction, he decided that if he ever met this prince, he would become his friend and help him find his true love. He smiled. With Alfred on the job, there would never be any sad endings for anyone!

* * *

Hey everybody~! Ok, so I've been drooling over all the awesome RussiaxAmerica fanfics on this site and decided I might as well contribute =W=

This is my first Hetalia fanfic in the world ever, so don't be too harsh, please? OTL

**Notes:**

**Translations!  
**

Нет: No

дa: Yes

**Inspirations!  
**

I've been researching fairy tales for my English class, and you won't believe how many variations to this fairy tale there are O.O I hope no one else has done this yet XD So, yeah, basically this will be a mash up of different versions of Beauty and the Beast with a little Hetalia twist.

**Review please!  
**


	2. Chapter 2: Setting the Stage

**IMPORTANT: **I forgot to mention last chapter, but the ice spirit is Norway. This chapter's shout-out goes to LolliDictator for being able to guess it! You get Denmark's axe for being so awesome! Also, SanguisRubeus gets Russia's sunflowers (the non-cursed ones XD) for being the first reviewer ever! ^^ Thanks for all the reviews guys, I didn't think this story would be so liked! I hope you enjoy this chapter too!

* * *

Chapter 2: Setting the Stage

Alfred breathed in deeply, his lungs greedily sucking in the fresh summer air. He heaved the last of the heavy burlap sacks containing the season's harvest onto the massive wagon and stepped away, wiping the sweat from his forehead. The teenager smiled, surveying all the sacks filled with vegetables and animal products. The Kirkland family farm was prospering.

"Alfred!" a feminine voice yelled out. Alfred turned and spotted his oldest sister, Juana, at the door of their large cozy house. "Come inside! Lunch's ready." She had barely finished the sentence before the tall, hungry blond rocketed towards her. She laughed as he reached the house in 5 seconds flat. Alfred stepped into the doorway beside his sister and breathed deeply once more, but this time he was inhaling the sweet, heavenly scent of excellently prepared food.

"Whose turn was it to cook today?" he asked, glancing down at the petite woman by his side. Juana shrugged. "Bituin cooked today I think."

Alfred whooped. "Yes! I hope she made chicken adobo!"

The two made their way towards the large dining and kitchen area, where the mouth-watering scents came from. Juana quickly walked inside to help prepare dinner for the large family, but Alfred stayed in the doorway, smiling fondly at the dysfunctional group of mismatched people inside.

Eleven years ago, Alfred and his twin brother Matthew were taken from the orphanages they had been living in by one Arthur Kirkland. Arthur turned out to be the twins' half-brother, and the reason he had adopted them was a long and confusing one.

Arthur claimed that he was the first and oldest son of the dread pirate Arthur Kirkland Sr. and that both Alfred and Matthew were his brothers, but had a different mother than him. He explained that Arthur Sr. had been not only an infamous pirate, but a notorious ladies man as well. On his voyages, Arthur Sr. had managed to knock up many women, and the result was that he had many offspring and Arthur Jr. had many half-siblings. At first, Arthur Jr. had grown up on his father's ship, _The Britannia Angel_, but as time went by, he began to loathe the life of a pirate. Arthur Jr. longed to be a gentleman.

One day, when _The Britannia_ _Angel_ dropped anchor in a small port town, Arthur Jr. had grabbed a small pouch filled with some of his father's stolen treasure and left, never once looking back. Arthur Jr. had of course been told of his father's many conquests and had resolved to find as many of his brothers and sisters as he could and take them in.

The very first ones he had found were Alfred and Matthew. Alfred and Matthew's mother had been a high-class society woman, and having two bastard children would have ruined her image. So she opted to give Alfred to the local orphanage and had sent Matthew to an orphanage in a neighhboring kingdom, not wanting the twins to be traced back to her.

However, Arthur had managed to find them, and he took them away from their orphanages at the age of seven. Alfred had been amazed to have been adopted by family, and even more amazed to learn that he had a twin. The two were very different; Matthew was quiet, shy, and easily forgettable, and the time he had spent in the neighboring kingdom had given him different mannerisms and the knowledge of another language. On the other hand, Alfred was loud, a headache at best, and so tactless it made Arthur want to throw a steaming cup of Earl Grey in his face; and Arthur _never_ wasted a good cup of Earl Grey.

But, despite their differences, the three brothers loved each other dearly. Arthur managed to buy a plot of land near the border of the Kingdom of England, and there the trio built their house and set up their farm. For a while they lived on the vegetables they grew, the fruits they picked in the surrounding forest, and the animals that Arthur would hunt.

Life for the brothers went on like this, until they happened upon Juana in the forest one day. Juana was a beautiful tanned girl from the Republic of Mexico, with sparkling hazel eyes and a feisty attitude. Juana was another half-sibling of theirs. She had left the house of her cruel mother to seek her fortune in the world, and had discovered the Kirkland farm quite by accident. She had asked for lodging in exchange for help around the house, and the three blonds eagerly agreed, knowing that their household needed a feminine touch.

The deal worked out so that while the three boys were out working the fields, Juana cooked and cleaned. In fact, the three slightly oblivious blond boys didn't find out that Juana was their half-sister until the day Arthur saw that the pendant she wore had their father's crest emblazoned on it.

The next addition to their family was little Peter. Peter looked like a mini version of Arthur, right down to the bushy eyebrows, and he was actually given to the growing family by his mother. She did not feel like she was fit to raise a child, so when she had heard about Arthur taking in his siblings, she sought him out to give him Peter. Arthur had of course taken responsibility for the infant, and the lovable little brat became theirs forever after.

Finally, the three last members of their family came to the Kirklands as if they were a package deal. Bituin, Guoliang, and Chen-chi had journeyed across the vast seas from their homelands to the Kingdom of England. Bituin came from the island Kingdom of the Philippines and Guoliang hailed from the tiny port nation, Hong Kong. Both Bituin and Guoliang were half-siblings to the Kirklands. Chen-chi, who came from the Kingdom of Taiwan, was not. She had met Guoliang when the ship he was working on stopped in her village.

The two had become best friends, and when the time came for Guoliang to leave, Chen-chi stole on board with him. They had then met Bituin, and finding out that Guoliang and Bituin were related, sailed to the Kingdom of England to find the rest of their family. The rest was history, and the family of 7 had been living happily with each other for going on 4 years.

Alfred was knocked out of his musing when he felt someone punching him in the hip. "Bloody _move_, Alfred, I'm hungry!" Peter whined.

Alfred rolled his eyes and strode and into the dining room, plopping down in his usual seat at the table. Today was the day that Arthur would be traveling into the city to sell the leftover crops that they had harvested, so Alfred knew that his sisters would be preparing something extra special for lunch. The blond felt himself drooling just thinking about it!

* * *

After lunch, the large group gathered outside to say goodbye to the head of their odd little family.

"All right, I'm off. Is there anything you lot would like me to buy for you while I'm at the market?"

"You should buy me a new dagger! A hero can't be going around with a rusty, piece of crap dagger!"

"Ooooh, please buy me a new dress, Arthur! I want to put blue flowers in my hair, and my pink dress won't match with the blue flowers…"

"…Fireworks. Anything that explodes or is flammable."

"Um, can I have some more books, Kuya Arthur? I've read all the new ones twice already."

"Definitely spices and candy! We're running out of spices and my personal candy stash is running low, Hermano."

"I want a sword, Jerk-Arthur!"

Arthur nodded at his family, mentally reminding himself to buy Peter a wooden non-lethal sword, before turning to Matthew. The shy blond was the only one that hadn't spoken up, and was instead cuddling his little stuffed bear, Kumajiro.

"What about you, Matthew? Would you like anything?" Arthur asked kindly.

The timid boy sighed, knowing that his brother wouldn't leave without some sort of answer from him. "U-u-um, ah, a…flower…maybe? " he suggested, trying to think of things that weren't expensive or hard to obtain. Matthew really didn't want anything in the first place.

Arthur cocked his head to the side. "What type?"

"Er, a sunflower…? " Matthew replied, throwing out the name of the first flower he could think of.

"All right, then." Arthur said, before smiling and giving his family one last wave. "You behave yourselves. Juana is in charge and if I come back to find the house on fire, you are all in big trouble." Alfred rolled his eyes. Honestly, some people never let anything go! Arthur fixed everyone with his most menacing glare before grabbing the reins and shaking them. His horse, a French trotter named Frog, shook its yellow, wavy mane and started down the road at a steady trot.

The assembled teens watched until Arthur disappeared from view, before heading back inside. Alfred grinned, thinking about the new dagger he would be getting in a couple of weeks. He remembered Mattie's request and scoffed. _Who wants a sunflower as a gift anyway?_ _Boys shouldn't be messing with girly shit like that. Nothing good can come from that present._

_

* * *

_...You don't know how right you are, Alfred D:

Anyways, I'm sorry about how filler-ish this chapter is ;A; But next chapter makes up for it because it has MOTHER (err, Father?) RUSSIA in it ^^

**Notes:**

**Translations!**

Kuya: Tagalog for older brother

Hermano: Spanish for brother

**Miscellaneous!**

Alfred and Matthew are now 18.

Arthur is 26 and Peter is 12.

Hong Kong's name is Guoliang, which means "may the country be kind". Hong Kong is 17.

Ok, I know that Taiwan's name in fanon is Meimei, but I liked Chen-chi, meaning "brilliant dawn", better -3- Taiwan is 16.

Juana is Mexico ^^ Her name doesn't mean anything, it's just a popular/common Spanish name and the feminine version of Juan. She looks 18, but is 20.

The Philippines is Brituin, meaning "the stars" in Tagalog. She is around 15-ish.

Chicken Adobo is a dish prepared in Latin America, Spain, and the Philippines. The Filipino adobo refers to chicken stewed with vinegar, while the traditional Spanish chicken adobo is chicken marinated in a sort of sauce. Other meats can be used, and the name changes accordingly. i.e. if pork is used, the dish becomes pork adobo.

**References!**

The reason Alfred has soooooo many siblings is because in one of the variations of Beauty and the Beast, Beauty has 3 older brothers and 3 older sisters. So I made countries with ties to both the US and England Alfred's brothers and sisters :D Please don't kill me OTL They're important to the plot, honest!


	3. Chapter 3: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

**Chapter Dedication! : **This chapter is dedicated to Hunter by Trade for being the first reviewer for chapter 2! Thank you! Please take Japan's camera as a sign of my gratitude *bows*

**Disclaimer:** I do not own this.

* * *

Chapter 3: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

"_Are you just going to leave him to die out there?"_

"д_a. There is no reason to save him."_

_An exasperated sigh. "That sort of thinking is what led to your…condition. I think that perhaps it's time to change, igen?"_

_Icy silence. "Very well. I will undo the wards on the road leading to the castle and open the gates. Whether he actually makes it to the castle or not is his problem."_

_

* * *

_

Arthur swore like the sailor he had been raised to be as the icy wind and snow flakes bombarded him. The Englishman could barely see his hand in front of his face, and poor Frog seemed to be blinded by the sudden onslaught of frozen water as well. Still, the faithful horse trudged on, determined to get his master to a safe place even if neither of them really knew where they were headed.

The duo continued on like this for an hour, their hope slowly dwindling. Arthur started to wonder how this had happened to them. They had been on their way back to the farm after a successful week of selling and trading that summer's crops. He had been given a lot of gold and silver for his farm's fine fruits and vegetables, and was able to purchase all the essential items the family needed to live.

Arthur had also bought the presents his siblings had requested; or, at least, he had been able to get 5 out of 6 requests. As hard as he tried, he could not find a single sunflower for sale in the village. Sunflowers were viewed by the local villagers as bringers of good luck, and the plants were usually sold out pretty quickly. By the time Arthur had arrived at the village, all the sunflowers had been sold and no one was willing to give him any.

Deciding to give up and go back home, Arthur decided to just apologize to Matthew and promise him two presents the next time he went to market. He had been halfway back to his home, when he came upon a fork in the road that hadn't been there two weeks ago. Raising a gargantuan eyebrow, Arthur read the sign that had been placed in between the two paths.

_Left, North_

_Right, West_

Arthur had hesitated between the two roads. The direction he needed to go was West, but the path was unfamiliar and menacing. The other trail looked more like the road he usually took home, but the sign said that it would bring him North. Finally, Arthur's trust of written words won out over his gut instinct and he took the road that branched out to the right. Not to mention his little blue fairy friend, Navi, had been eager to go right ("Hey, listen! Hey, listen! Go right, Arthur! Are you listening?").

Somehow, after going down the road to the right, Arthur's memory became hazy and he could not even remember when it had started to snow. When he had regained his bearings, he was stuck in a dark and cold forest, with snow and wind lashing at his cloak. Frog was struggling to pull the wagon through the snow, and so Arthur had jumped off of it to lighten his horse's load, at least a little bit.

He had looked behind him, but the snow was coming down so fast that the wagon's wheel tracks were being covered up as fast as they were made. Also thanks to the snow, the trail was lost, and so Arthur and Frog found themselves lost in a dangerous blizzard surrounded by nothing but trees. Man and horse continued on, hoping to find some sort of refuge from the storm.

Arthur was just about to give up and collapse in the snow when he felt a small tug on his sleeve. He glanced down to see his little annoying traveling companion pointing frantically, its voice lost in the roar of the wind. "What is it, Navi?" Arthur asked, exasperated.

The fairy floated up to his eye level and turned his head to the left. Arthur's green eyes widened as he spotted a light in the distance. "Good going, Navi! Maybe you aren't such a little twit after all." Arthur grinned, making his way to the light with renewed vigor. It wasn't long until he came upon a set of large, wrought-iron gates.

Arthur took a moment to gape at the intricate details molded into the gate before timidly pushing it open and entering the courtyard. He gazed up at the intimidating castle before him with wide eyes. Never before had he seen such opulence, and he had spent half his life on a pirate ship traveling from one extravagant city to another. He took another hesitant step into the courtyard, Frog following behind him obediently.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

* * *

_A hiss broke the still air. "_Черт возьми."

"_Well, he's here now. What are your orders?" There was a tinge of smug satisfaction in the speaker's tone. _

"_As you are the one who insisted on saving him, you should have the responsibility of caring for him, _д_a?"_

"_As you wish."_

"_Take care not to be seen."_

"_Ez igen, ez igen. I will go now, Herceg."_

_

* * *

_

The nearly frozen Englishman continued to stand impatiently outside the castle. He was about to call out again when he heard a loud noise to his right. Whirling around, he spotted what seemed to be a stable. He blinked, and slowly wrapped his hand on the hilt of the cutlass strapped to his belt. Taking hold of Frog's reins, he walked cautiously towards the stable and stared at the note nailed onto the door.

'_Dear Guest, _

_Please use our stable to rub down your horse and feed him. He may sleep in one of the stalls. Afterwards, come into the castle; there will be dinner and a room waiting for you.'_

Arthur stared skeptically at the note before looking around, sure that he hadn't seen anyone before, magical or otherwise. Shrugging, he opened the door to the stable and was instantly blasted by heat. His jaw dropped at the sheer quality of the stable and the items inside it. However, there were no other horses, and Arthur frowned in suspicion.

Despite that, Arthur led Frog in, rubbed him down, fed him some hay and apples, and left him to sleep in the stall closest to the door. Exiting, Arthur made a beeline for the castle. He was ravenous! Arthur ignored the elegant surroundings and headed straight for the heavenly smell of warm food.

When he got to what he assumed was the dining room, he paused. The whole table was laid with a variety of delicious foods and he didn't know where to start. Again, there was no one else in the room. Arthur wondered how his mysterious host could cook so much delicious food in such a short time, but he pushed the thought from his mind and dove for the scones he spotted at the end of the table.

* * *

After stuffing his face, Arthur sat in one of the beautiful chairs and wondered where he could sleep. Suddenly, he heard a thumping noise. He immediately got up and looked for the source of the noise. He ended up climbing the stairs and venturing down a long, dimly lit hallway. Finally, he stopped outside a door, and when he put his hand on the handle, the thumping stopped.

Peeking into the room, Arthur was greeted by the sight of a luxurious four-poster bed piled high with comfy looking quilts and soft pillows. Arthur stumbled to the bed, not bothering to close the door behind him. He collapsed onto the bed and curled up into a warm, contented ball.

* * *

"_Ugh! Like, he didn't even take off his fugly shoes! He'll totally get mud, like, all over the bedding!"_

"_Calm down. If it bothers you so much, go take his shoes off."_

"_Are you, like, kidding? I'm totally not touching those sorry excuses for footwear! His fashion sense might be contagious, like a totally sketch disease."_

"_Then stop complaining." Awkward silence. " Good night, Feliks. Will you inform the Master that the guest is sleeping now, or should I?"_

"_Ew, I'm not going within 50 feet of that thing. You do it, Piano Boy, you're the Head Butler. Or get Elizaveta to go, she's the one who wanted to save Mr. Make-Me-Over-I'm-Hideous."_

_A pause. "Elizaveta and I will both go then. Go to bed Feliks, and tell the others that they are not to be seen or heard."_

_

* * *

_

Arthur woke up the next morning feel warm and refreshed. He slowly got up, wondering where he was until last night's memories came rushing back. Since he wasn't dead, he decided that the palace was safe and fully sat up. He quietly got off of the warm bed and noted with distaste that he had been so tired that he had went to sleep with his shoes on.

He walked towards the door and abruptly stopped, spotting two beautiful mahogany chests with another note nailed onto one. This one read:

'_Good morning, Guest!_

_First of all, I apologize for the last night's boring note D: Roderich wrote it, and he doesn't really know how to deal with other people unless he's read some stereotypical book about them. In your case it would have been something like __How to Write an Englishman a Note__. He is hopeless, but I do adore him…Oh my, I've gone on another tangent. Anyway, the door directly across from these chests leads to the washroom. There should be hot water in the tub, all ready for you to bathe. When you're done with that, you may go back to the room you dined in yesterday and grab a bite to eat. Afterwards, you may saddle up your horse and leave. I would HIGHLY suggest you leave as soon as you can. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, WANDER AROUND THE CASTLE._

_We hope your stay has been excellent! XD_

_P.S. Take the trunks! They're a gift from us to you ^^'_

Again, Arthur stared at the notes and snorted at the little faces. Arthur was well-versed in the ways of magic and he was no fool. He knew it would be best to do as the note said and high-tail it back home as fast as he could. He was lucky that whoever had decided to host him hadn't killed him in the middle of the night; fairy folk and other magical creatures weren't known for their kindness towards humans.

So, Arthur did as he was told and washed up, ate breakfast, and went out to saddle Frog. He found his horse had already been fed and brushed and the golden trotter looked ready to take on the world. He smiled and patted the horse before leading him out and finding another note tacked to the door under the first one.

'_Like, see ya later Guest._

_We totally put the trunks in your wagon for you already. The way back to your cute little farm thing is to your right. You need to, like, pass through the garden to get to the road that will take you home. Um, it was totally awesome having you here and blah, blah, blah._

_Hope to never see you again!'_

Arthur's eye twitched at the note before he turned to his right and started heading towards the garden. Surprisingly, the garden was full of flowers of all shapes and sizes, even though this region seemed to be stuck in winter. Arthur admired the scenery and took in the enticing aroma of the multitude of scents all blended into one. He had just reached the end of the garden when he spotted a sunflower field in its own little corner. His eyes lit up.

Finally! Sunflowers! He would be able to get Mattie a present after all. Arthur made his way towards the field, but hesitated, his hand outstretched to pick the biggest and brightest sunflower. Would it be okay to take one? He mulled it over and decided that it was. His host had given him just about everything and this was just one little flower; they would have the rest of the field still. Also, the note hadn't said he couldn't pick anything…

Arthur snapped the sunflower off halfway down its stem and stepped back.

Instantly, the ground around him started to rumble.

* * *

_Three horrified sets of eyes watched helplessly from behind a rose bush as the unwitting man plucked a sunflower from the Prince's personal field._

"_Feliks! Didn't you tell him not to take ANYTHING from the garden, especially __**sunflowers**__?"_

"_Um, ha ha. It might have like, slipped my mind…"_

"_You idiot! The Prince is going to kill him!"_

"_Whoops?"_

"_IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?"_

"_Like, chill out! It's not like anyone is going to miss those eyebrows anyway."_

"_YOU ARE SO LUCKY I'M NOT CARRYING MY FRYING PAN WITH ME TODAY!"_

"_Quiet, the both of you! The Master is coming…"_

_

* * *

_

Arthur fell to the ground as the earthquake got worse. He stayed curled into a ball until everything was still again. After a few seconds, he dared to look up and instantly flinched, wishing he had never picked the sunflower.

Standing above him, was a menacing man with a scarf wrapped curiously around his head. In fact, all Arthur could really see of the man were his piercing violet eyes. This was not what scared him, though. The man was exuding a killer aura and when he made eye contact with Arthur, he started giggling insanely. The sound made Arthur cringe. It contained the innocence and cruelty of a child, and coming from a hulking, apparently full-grown man, the effect was terrifying.

"After all I did for you, you dare to insult me like this?" The man asked in a light, childish voice. "I knew I should have let you die in that blizzard." Suddenly, his tone became disgusted and angry. "I will now remedy my mistake."

The man raised a faucet pipe that seemed to have materialized from the middle of nowhere and was about to bring it down on Arthur's skull, when he was suddenly restrained by three different pairs of arms. Arthur could only watch in shock as what appeared to be one man and two women tried desperately to reason with the man.

The brunette woman finally turned to him and broke his stupor by asking, "I'm sure you had a good reason for picking that flower! You did, didn't you?"

"Um, I, y-yes, I picked it for my little brother. He is very precious to me, and he asked me to get him a sunflower at the village market. But they were all out by the time I got there, so…" he trailed off, looking uncertainly at the odd man. He had seemed to calm down, but was now staring at Arthur calculatingly.

"So you decided to take one of mine?" the man finished for him. His voice was back to its initial childishness. "Very well, then. In order to atone for your rudeness in the face of my hospitality, I want you to bring your little brother to me. The one who asked for the sunflower in the first place. I will take no one else."

Arthur stared at him in horror. "W-what? But, I—surely there is something else you want? Anything else?"

The man gazed sardonically at him, enjoying the distress on the Englishman's face. "Нет, nothing. I want your brother."

Arthur tried desperately to plead with the man, even begged the evil man to take himself instead. The violet-eyed male was having none of it, though.

"You will have eight days to bring your brother to me. If he is not here by then, I will go to your house and slaughter your whole family. Don't try to bring in any replacements for your brother either; I _will_ be able to tell. Return to your house now, and tell your family the good news," the man said, giggling as he walked back to the castle. The three servants left behind looked sympathetically at Arthur before hastily following their master.

Arthur gazed after them, shocked still by what had just happened. He was in a daze from the man's threat: _…slaughter your whole family_. He shook his head and gazed forlornly at the sunflower in his hand. Tears welled up in his dull, green eyes as he punched the ground, yelling furiously at the heavens for putting him in such a predicament. Now he would have to give away one of his precious siblings or risk losing them all.

* * *

"_Whoa, he seems really pissed, Nor. Are you sure you did the right thing?"_

"_Even though I cursed him to the deepest pits of Hell, I didn't really want anything bad to happen to him. His family made a pact with me long ago, do you remember? I would protect them and their lands, and they would give me free reign of their territory."_

"_Ah! That explains the never-ending winter thing this place had going on."_

"…_Yes. Anyway, that prince was on a self-destructive path. If things had continued on that way, either his people would have rebelled, or another kingdom would have declared war on him for mistreatment of their traders and merchants. I thought that getting someone to melt his icy heart would make him kinder. I never anticipated that it would take so long, though."_

"_Didn't ya put a time limit of a century on that sunflower?"_

"_I did. He only has this year left. By winter, the sunflower will die, and that castle will be relocated to a place that is definitely warmer._"

"_Why in Asgard did you drag that poor man into this, then? He seems pretty torn up."_

"_I wasn't aware that you cared."_

"_Well, I was just wondering…"_

"…_Simply put, the prince needed help. He would not have found someone to love, and that would love him in return, by himself. I have been watching this man and his family for some time. He can see spirits and faeries and other magical beings like ourselves. It was easy to have him spot the road to the castle, and I had the fairy who travels with him guide him here."_

"_So, basically, you manipulated everyone?"_

"_That's the gist of it, yes."_

"_So that guy is the one the prince will end up loving? "_

"_No, it will be his brother. The boy is kind, and I feel that he will be a good match for Ivan. I was the one who put the idea of wanting a sunflower in his head."_

"_That's…actually pretty messed up, Nor. Aren't you always on my case about messing around in human affairs?"_

"_I'm not the one who goes around abducting people and dropping them in completely different places. And why are you still here? Don't you have duties to attend to as the North Wind?"_

"_I __**told**__ you, call me Denmar. We've been best buddies for about 5 centuries now, after all."_

"_How silly of me. I guess I just forgot, __**best buddy**__."_

"_Nah, that's all right! I know how bad your memory is, Nor."_

"…"

"_I guess I'll be going then. Keep me updated on this little budding romance, all right?"_

"_Perhaps."_

_In a gust of wind and a flurry of snow, both spirits disappeared._

_

* * *

_

Wow, this chapter was long :o I don't really have anything to say... Props to anyone who gets what the title is referencing! And if anyone knows who Navi is, you get cookies made by France ^^ Anyway, Al and Ivan will be meeting next chapter, and Norway and Denmark plot and scheme. Hope you guys liked this chapter! Thank you for all the reviews, story alerts, and favorites! ^^

**Notes!**

**Translations!**

д_a: _Russian for yes

Igen: Hungarian for yes

Черт возьми: Russian for damn it

Ez igen: Hungarian for yeah

Herceg: Hungarian for prince

**Miscellaneous!**

Yes, Arthur mistook Poland for a woman. He _is_ a very pretty man ;)

Arthur is pretty calm about all this because he's used to magic; he wouldn't freak out about stuff like this. Also, in most fairy tales normal people seem really accepting of weird crap without a legitimate reason, so I didn't think Arthur would either.

**References!**

Just about every version of the Beauty and the Beast has the merchant father going in, being served by invisible servants, and then foolishly taking something they shouldn't have, only to be scared shitless by the beast.

**Completely Unrelated!**

Okay, I found this super awesome video of MEPs edited by GrassJaw, and thought I'd share it all with you, because the MEPs themselves are great and the editing is super professional, but there are only about 1,800 views T^T. Here's the link (remove the spaces):

http:// www. youtube. com/ watch?v=XoFWbgji_tk

If the link doesn't work, just go to youtube and type in 'mep otp hetalia' it should be the third choice, with the picture of America beside it :)

Btw, it's the second part of the two videos because the second part is the only one that has RussiaxAmerica in it and they're my OTP BD but the first part is pretty darn good too, so it's worth checking out.

Also, has anyone seen the funimation trailer for Hetalia yet? Xd Blech. I'd still watch it though XD

**Review Please!**


	4. Chapter 4: The Ol' Switcheroo

**Apologies and Feeble Excuses!: **Wow, I am so sorry for how late this chapter is! DX Ok, the main reason for that is I went on a 2-week vacation and my dad wouldn't let me bring my laptop -.- so, I could only write on the communal laptop when no one else was in the hotel room with me, or everybody was asleep XD If my parents knew I was writing yaoi porn, I'd get thrown into a padded room with a priest sporadically sprinkling holy water on me and yelling, "LEAVE THIS GIRL, YAOI DEMON!" ~.~ Anyway, when I got back, I reread what I'd wrote, and my Inner-Poland was all "Like, ew, are you really going to poison the general public with this?" So I ended up rewriting this chapter 3 times XD I think it was worth it, cuz I'm finally satisfied with the chapter overall, and I hope you all will be too. :3

**Chapter Dedication!: **This chapter goes out to Ookami Aya for being the first Chapter 3 reviewer! Thank you very much! Please take Norway's barrettes for being so awesome XD

**Chapter Warning!: **Okay, ladies and gentlemen, this chapter contains a boatload of cursing and becomes slightly lemon-flavored towards the end. If you have delicate sensibilities... well, I can't help you XD and if you're adverse to guy-on-guy action, I would have to wonder why you are reading this story :/

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything concerning Axis Powers Hetalia. Seriously, not even any merchandise ;A; I need to go buy some...

* * *

Chapter 4: The Ol' Switcheroo

Alfred gazed up at the intimidating castle with wide eyes. He gulped, and pulled at the collar of his disguise, which was pretty kickass if he did say so himself. He had borrowed (stolen) some of Arthur's weird glamour potion, Chen-chi's hair curlers, and Mattie's clothes. Alfred now sported wavy hair, blue-violet eyes, and slightly smaller clothing.

He stared a bit more at the frightening castle (_'Oh my god, I bet it's haunted_'_)_ before flicking Tony's reins, encouraging the horse to go farther down the path. As the pair started down the trail, Alfred started frowning. He was in the garden that Iggy had described. The blond huffed. "The goddamn bastard couldn't even let me come to his castle using the gates, huh? I see how it is," he muttered to Tony, who as usual, didn't give any indication that he'd heard his master.

Alfred pouted before sitting back to actually take in the view. There were plants here that the blond had never seen before, and he found it interesting that such a beautiful garden and temperate climate could exist here when the surrounding forest was so overrun with snow and ice. He wondered if maybe the Scarf Freak Arthur had seen had constructed a giant dome of transparent metal, which opened to select people. Or maybe Scarf Freak had a giant robot made of invisible wood, that protected the castle and—

Alfred blinked, brought out of his musing by Tony's sudden restless movements. This was enough to put the eighteen year-old on high alert, because Tony never got spooked. Ever. When he heard the sound of rustling from one of the bushes, Alfred whipped around to face it, gripping his new dagger. His heart started to pound, adrenaline kicking in, when a large man stepped out from behind the bush.

He was exactly as Arthur had described him. He was still wearing that long beige trench coat, gloves, and heavy duty leather boots. The man also had a scarf wrapped freakishly around his whole head, leaving only piercing violet eyes uncovered. Not an inch of skin could be seen. Alfred noted warily that the man also carried a long, very hard-looking faucet pipe.

"Привет, Товарищ. Я так рада, что Вы решили приехать в конце концов."

Alfred tore his eyes away from the man's pipe to stare into his icy violet eyes. "Wait, what?" _('Oh my god he's a freak, oh my god he's a freak, oh my god he's a freak, oh my god he's-)_

"Ah, forgive me. I forgot that you only know how to speak this repulsive English language. I meant that I am glad you were able to make it here safely."

"Oh. Y-yeah." Alfred mumbled, trying his best to act like his brother. The whole family would be doomed if he was caught now. However, it was slowly killing him on the inside not being able to shout, "Hell yeah, I got here safely! As if anything could ever hurt me, you creepy Scarf Freak! I'm the hero!"

Meanwhile, the man was slowly making his way over to him, observing him with a strange glint in his eyes. "Hm," he purred, "What is your name, малютка?"

"M-m-my name's Matthew." Alfred stuttered. _('Fuck yeah! I got the stutter down and everything! Dammit, why am I so fucking awesome?)_

The man chuckled and leaned closer to Alfred so that he was only inches away from his face. "No, мой маленький лжец, I meant what is your _real_ name?"

Alfred froze.

* * *

Ivan smiled coldly at the blond boy in front of him. Did he really think that his pitiful glamour could fool Ivan? Ivan was extremely adept at manipulating magic, and this castle was _his_ domain. Of course he would immediately sense the thin layer of magic coating the foolish teenager and be able to see right through it. He narrowed his eyes at the stupid boy. He would pay for trying to fool the Lord of these lands.

Thoughts on how to torture the trickster ran leisurely through Ivan's mind. He toyed with a couple of them, liking the image of this boy in chains in the dungeon. He licked his lips, looking the teenager up and down. Hair like spun gold, eyes like the sky, and such a well-toned body... This boy really was very attractive, it would be a shame to kill him. Then again...

Perhaps Ivan could use this to his advantage?

_

* * *

_

Alfred gulped, trying to hide his rising panic. "Wh-what do you mean? My real name _is_ Matthew."

"Нет, нет, нет," the creepy man giggled. "Please stop playing these games before I run out of patience, comrade~."

"No, I—" Alfred's eyes widened as he heard the smack of skin on skin and felt pain blossom in his right cheek. He slowly turned back to face the man, eyes wide and unbelieving. _(Did he just __**bitch-slap**__ me? OH HELL NO.')_ But before Alfred could shout his impressive list of curse words at the creepy guy, the man stepped closer. He was now almost chest to chest with Alfred. Well, more like chest to head, but since Alfred was the hero, and should therefore be taller and manlier than everyone else, he ignored it.

"I know you aren't who you say you are, малютка. Now, won't you tell me who you really are? And dispense with this disgusting glamour," the man said, waving his hand over Alfred. The blond blinked as a feeling of being doused in cold water came over him.

"What the fuck did you do, you freak?" he yelled, patting his chest and face to make sure all of his body parts were still in place. The man giggled.

"I just restored you to your normal, everyday look, милый. But I really am running out of patience, дорогой. Tell me what your name is."

Alfred tried to repress the shiver that wanted to worm its way down his spine at how chilling the bigger man's voice had become. Well, he had pretty much blown his cover already, so why not?

"Alright then, listen up you Scarf Freak! My name is Alfred F. Jones, and I'm a hero! I'm here to take my brother's place so you can't get him with your evil scarves of doom!"

The man's violet eyes reflected amusement. "You came here of your own free will? How interesting. Are you sure your family wasn't just trying to get rid of you, Мой надоедливый маленький герой?"

Alfred bristled. "Of course not, you creep! I left before any of them woke up, so how could they have gotten rid of me? And I'm _way_ too strong for them to force me to do what I don't want to do." He paused for a moment. "And hey, since I told you my name, you need to tell me yours!"

The man giggled, before sweeping into a slightly mocking formal bow. "My name is Ivan Braginsky, дорогой. I am the Lord of this castle."

Alfred glared. "I guessed that all by myself, thanks. And stop speaking your freaky language!"

Ivan ignored him, tapping his pipe on his chin thoughtfully. "You do know, Alfred, that since you have tried to deceive me, even when I was so kind as to let your older brother go, that I have a right to carry out my threat."

Alfred's mouth went dry. "What threat?" he asked, even though he already knew.

"Hm, I think you know what threat I'm talking about, little hero. But, I am willing to make a deal with you," Ivan purred.

"A deal?" Alfred asked, cautiously. He wondered exactly what the menacing man in front of him could want. Hell, he didn't even know why he wanted Mattie in the first place!

"да. I will allow you to stay here and take your brother's place, but you must first pass a little test." The violet eyes glinted suspiciously.

Alfred frowned. A test? Crap. He was no good at those. "Like a written test? Because those are totally not awesome," he said.

Ivan's eyes seemed to become even more amused. "Нет. Not a written test. You will find out what kind of test it is only if you agree to the deal."

Alfred brightened. If it wasn't a written test, then he could probably pass! "So if I agree, do you promise to leave my family alone and focus all of your evil only on me?"

"да, I will not bother your family; in fact, they will never see me again. If you agree of course."

Alfred thought this over. "So that's it? What's the catch?"

"No catch, comrade. You must simply pass the test I have for you. If you pass, you will be allowed to stay here in your brother's place, like I said before. And of course, you must abide by my rules while you live here. Do you count that as a catch, дорогой?"

Alfred furrowed his eyebrows. Yes, he did count that as a catch. Alfred loathed rules and restrictions of any kind. He knew by going to the castle in the first place he was giving up a lot of his freedom, but he hadn't expected Scarf Freak to keep him alive long enough to take away more of his freedom. But if giving up his freedom meant the safety of his family…

"Deal," Alfred said, confidently. He was sure he could pass whatever test this creep had up his sleeve (as long as the bastard wasn't lying about it being a written test, of course). As soon as the word had left his mouth, he got the distinct feeling that Ivan was smiling widely underneath that scarf.

"Ah, I'm so glad you agreed, comrade~! Things will be _much_ more fun this way."

Alfred opened his mouth to ask why, but never got a chance. The pipe Ivan had been keeping oh so inconspicuously behind his back, connected with his temple and Alfred fell into the black abyss of unconsciousness.

* * *

_Meanwhile, behind a nearby fruit tree..._

"_Like, ouch. That looked like it hurt."_

"_W-w-what do we do now?"_

"_Well, the master is taking him inside so he should be safe for now."_

"_Like, ha! As if he would be safer inside. This just means the asshole doesn't want to like, kill him yet."_

"_What was all that about a test?"_

"_I have no idea, Elizabeta, but I pray to the gods that the boy will pass."_

"_So, now what, Mister Roderich?"_

"_Everyone just go back inside and see to your normal duties. Dinner will be soon, right Eduard?"_

"_Y-yes, sir. I'll get working on it right away."_

"_Good. Well, what are you all still standing here for? Get to work!"_

_

* * *

_

Alfred groaned as he started to wake up, feeling a throbbing pain in his head. _('What the hell? What happened? THE FUCK DOES MY HEAD HURT SO MUCH?')_ Slowly, he opened his eyes, and stared upwards, trying to adjust to the dim lighting of the room he was in.

He furrowed his eyebrows when he saw that there was a rich navy blue velvet canopy over his head. He blinked and let the observation go, to relish in the feeling of warm silk sheets under him. Alfred was pretty sure that no bed he'd ever slept in was as nice as the one he was laying in now. He tried to turn to make himself more comfortable, but his arms wouldn't budge.

With a feeling of increasing panic, he realized that his hands and feet were bound to the bed-posts of the four-poster bed he was in. And to top all _that _off, he was naked. Okay, Alfred didn't care how nice this bed was. He wanted out _now._ But no matter how much he struggled and pulled, the bed posts wouldn't break.

He growled in frustration, glaring at his bonds. He didn't even notice the large man who suddenly stood over him, until said large man giggled. Alfred blinked, before glaring up at the man who had obviously placed him here. "YOU! What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get me outta this now!"

Ivan seemed to be ignoring him. He slowly crawled onto the bed, stopping to stare at Alfred's limp member. The honey blond started to blush furiously. "H-hey! What the hell are you up to?" Ivan acted like he hadn't said anything at all as he reached up and ran his hands up and down Alfred's side, feather-light touches that made the shorter boy shiver. "Hey, I don't know what you think you're-ah!" he hissed as Ivan tweaked one of his nipples. "Ow, dammit, that hurt!"

The larger man just giggled, and began to softly stroke Alfred's steadily hardening manhood, almost petting him. The blond blushed even brighter, having never been touched like this before. Alfred didn't know what was happening, but he did know he did _not_ want to be touched there by this creeper. "What are you—nngh—stop!" he yelled. Of course, he was again ignored, and instead, Ivan began to give him firmer touches, exciting 'Little Alfred' even more.

Alfred was now seriously confused. Why the hell was Ivan doing all this? AND WHY THE HELL DID IT HAVE TO FEEL SO GOOD? Alfred's penis was now fully erect, throbbing, it stood proudly at attention. Pre-come began leaking from the tip, and Ivan gently rubbed it away, before circling the head lightly with his finger.

"I-Ivan! Stop, you bas-aah!-tard!"

For the first time, those violet eyes glanced up towards him. "Let's put that mouth of yours to _good_ use, да?"

"You a-ass—ugh—hole! What the –uhn—hell do you mean "good u—"" Alfred choked as two fingers were abruptly shoved into his mouth. He glared at Ivan who simply gave him a smug look back.

"Suck them."

"Mmph mm!" _('Like hell!')_

"Do you not want to pass your test, Alfred?"

Alfred gaped at the man. "Mmsm ms ngur thupid thetht?" _('__**This **__is your stupid test?') _Alfred began to struggle even more. He was _not_ going to possibly have his first time like this! But...but...he needed to do this or else his family would face the consequences. He stopped struggling, and gave Ivan a cold glare._  
_

Ivan just giggled. Furiously, Alfred started to suck hard on Ivan's gloved fingers, hoping to get this over with as fast as possible. He ran his tongue over the smooth leather, licking up and down each digit. Ivan just gave him an amused look and flicked the head of his manhood. Alfred let out a moan despite himself. Ivan gave Alfred another mocking look. "You are enjoying this now, comrade?"

"Mmell mo!" _('Hell no!')_

Ivan snorted. "That's not what your body is saying~" he sing-songed. He withdrew his hand from Alfred's mouth and put it to work with the other. Alfred, much to his embarrassment, moaned and thrust his hips up to get more of this delicious friction. Ivan's saliva slicked hand was furiously pumping up and down, while his other hand was massaging Alfred's sack. _(G-godammit! It feels t-too good!)_

Ivan giggled at the expressions on Alfred's face and the little whimpers he was emitting. It seemed like the other blond had never experienced such sensations before. How cute! "Alfred~! Could it be that you are a virgin?"

The boy snapped out of his pleasure-induced haze to blush and glare at the man. "N-n-no! Oohh!" he moaned, throwing his head back, as Ivan traced one of the more bulging veins in his penis. Ivan just laughed, taking one of his hands away from Alfred's erection, and giving his nipple a twist.

"Of course you aren't. You are quite adorable though, малютка."

"I'm _not_ fucking, ugh! Adorable!"

"Yes, дорогой."

Alfred wanted to retort. Really, he did! But he was just so fucking _close… _

Alfred moaned as he threw his head back and came hard. His come coated his stomach and Ivan's hands, and the large man seemed pleased. He locked eyes with Alfred, and carefully untied the scarf around his head so his mouth was exposed. Not breaking eye contact, Ivan brought his gloves to his lips and sucked on each and every finger. Alfred was ashamed to note that he had become half-hard again at the display.

Finally, Ivan pulled away from Alfred and undid his bonds, though the blond was too tired and dazed to care.

"Congratulations, Alfred. You passed the test." He patted Alfred's head and went through one of the doors in the room. Alfred was too tired to care which. He drifted to sleep, overwhelmed at all that had happened to him in just one day and trying to forget what had just happened.

* * *

_Denmar smiled, feeling absolutely carefree. He soared through the sky, observing the people below and laughing at how they instantly pulled their cloaks tighter around themselves as he passed by. The spirit of the North Wind was being mischievous again today._

_A gust of cold wind suddenly hit him, and Denmar looked up, frowning. His frown turned into a smile as he recognized who it was. "Nor! You came to visit me?" he asked, flying playfully around his friend._

_The ice spirit frowned and said, "I do not have the time for your silly games, Denmar. I have a problem."_

"_Oh?" The North Wind asked, raising an eyebrow._

"_Yes. And I…" the ice spirit trailed off._

"_What was that? I didn't quite catch what you said," Denmar said, grinning broadly. Nor was so cute when he was embarrassed._

_The ice spirit flushed, his pale skin turning rosy red. "I…need your help."_

"_With what?"_

"_I need you to help me get rid of a human._

_

* * *

_

Arrrgh, I'm sorry that the lemon was so meh-ish. DX But Ivan wouldn't use his mouth at this point and Alfred was tied up, so there wasn't much for them to do XC And sorry for Alfred's lack of reaction, but the poor guy was dead tired and I didn't want him to go through a confrontation with Ivan after being sexed up. Don't worry though, he'll give Ivan hell soon ^^ Next chapter will have Alfred's family's reaction and the Bad Friends Trio! Please look forward to it XD Again, thank you all for waiting so patiently and for all the reviews and favorites!

**People who get cookies from France for knowing who Navi is: **Ookami Aya, sakerat, otaku no baka, demonlifehealer, Hunter by Trade, and Fai'swingedchronicles! You guys are just too awesome! XD

Navi is an annoying fairy character in the Legend of Zelda game Ocarina of Time. She's basically your guide that won't shut up .

**Notes!**

**Miscellaneous!: **A glamour is the name of the magical disguise a person uses. A glamour can be changing your hair to a different color, or making yourself look like a troll. Arthur has potions for magical disguises because he rocks like that XD**  
**

**Translations!:**

Привет, Товарищ. Я так рада, что Вы решили приехать в конце концов: Hello, Comrade. I am so glad you decided to come.

малютка: little one

мой маленький лжец: my little liar

милый: darling

дорогой: dear

Мой надоедливый маленький герой: my annoying little hero

да: yes

Нет: no

**References!:**

Erm... nothing really, in this chapter.

**Review please!  
**


	5. Chapter 5: Adventure Time!

**AN: **So, ummm, here's the super late chapter! I'm sorry it took so long! It sort of morphed into this giant huge word monster =.= Anyway, I know I said that this chapter would have France, Prussia, and Spain in it, but I had to cut them out because the chapter was just getting too long :/ Some other characters ended up getting introduced though, so I'm hoping that it balances it out. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter too! ^^

**Fanart!: **Oh my gosh you guys! VeeVours was super awesome and drew this story some fanart! Alsdkjfkdjfjsodf *spazzing* If you'd like to see it the link is: http:/ i132. photobucket. com /albums/ q15 /kotoha/ comic .jpg Thank you very much! Your art style is amazing XD I have no idea what to give you :/ um um um...Roderich's piano? XD

**Chapter Dedication: **Today's chapter dedication goes to bunniez-r-luv! Thank you very much for your super kind review! Would you like to adopt Alfred's whale? :D

**Super Quick Recap: **Bituin=Phillipines, Juana=Mexico, Guoliang=Hong Kong, Chen-chi=Taiwan, Durag=Iceland

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Axis Powers Hetalia...

* * *

Chapter 5: Adventure Time!

_Denmar stared at his best friend. "Come again?" he asked, scratching the back of his head._

_Nor huffed angrily. "Is there only hot air in that head of yours? I want to kill a human!"_

_Denmar frowned. "Aren't you the one who gets all gung ho about respecting human life and all that bullshit?"_

"_Well, there is no reason for me to respect this human's life! He messed up my entire plan!"_

"_So what if some kid let his hero complex get the better of him? That's hardly a good reason to kill him. And all this is coming from __**me**__, the guy who likes messing with mortals."_

_Nor glared, hating that the one time he actually wanted his 'friend' to be his usual irrational self, Denmar had to go and be all logical._

"…_I still don't like him."_

"_And you don't have to," Denmar soothed. "But he's already there, so why don't you just take advantage of the situation? Besides, from what you've told me, the prince already likes him very much," Denmar snickered._

_Nor rolled his eyes at the North Wind, but took his words to heart. That's right, the foolish boy was already in the arms of the prince, and Ivan seemed to actually like the annoying blond. While he had not been planning on the recent turn of events, he supposed he could still manipulate their lives to his heart's content._

_Finally, he nodded at Denmar. "I will continue to manipulate the situation. But I won't be happy about it," he warned, frowning at the beaming smile on Denmar's face._

"_See? Isn't my plan the greatest? I can be smart too!" The North Wind said, proudly._

_Nor just snorted, already drifting away. He needed to return to the castle immediately. He would need to observe this Alfred a little closer so he would be able to throw him and Ivan into romantic situations with each other._

_**('But first, I need to check on the rest of that family. I can't have them doing something that will throw off my plan as well.')**__ The ice spirit thought, zooming back towards the lands he controlled._

_

* * *

_

Arthur shook as he glared down at the offensive piece of paper in his hand. He could not _believe_ the nerve of that boy! Wait, scratch that, he could believe Alfred had the nerve to do this, but Arthur never would have believed he would be stupid enough to actually follow through with it. Arthur could feel the vein in his forehead getting bigger.

"U-um, what does it say, Arthur?" Matthew asked worriedly. He could tell by all the grease stains and chicken-scratch-style writing on the paper that it was a note from Alfred.

Arthur growled. "The bloody twit went and sacrificed himself in your place!"

"What?" Matthew yelped. He snatched the note away from Arthur and quickly scanned it.

_To Whoever Finds This First!_

_Hey You Guys!_

_So, I've been watching you all mope around this past week like "Boo hoo, Mattie's going to be taken by the big bad Scarf Freak! I wish there was something we could do! ;A;" Well, I got tired of watching your sorry asses and came up with the most brilliantly awesome plan ever!_

_The day before Mattie has to go give himself up, I will sneak out of the house and give myself up instead! It's perfect, right? The dumb Scarf Guy will think I'm Mattie, and when his guard is lowered I'll defeat him and be the hero! Then I'll come back and we can have a party to celebrate just how fucking kickass I am ;D_

_See you guys~_

_Your Hero,_

_Alfred_

Matthew stared incredulously at the note. There was no way his brother could be _that_ stupid right? Hadn't Alfred been present when Arthur had said the man he'd offended was probably magical, and therefore almost impossible to kill through normal means? Matthew tore his eyes away from the paper to look at Arthur, who had sat down heavily in his armchair and was muttering furiously to himself.

"Oh my god, Alfred is such an idiot," a voice said behind Matthew, making the timid blond jump. He whirled around and found that Juana (who had spoken), Bituin, Guoliang, Chen-chi, and Peter had read the note from over his shoulder. "W-when did you guys get here?" Matthew murmured.

"A little while ago," Chen-chi chirped. "We were all ready to be depressed, only to find that you actually hadn't left yet."

Matthew didn't quite know how to take that.

"So Alfred's gone and sacrificed himself? Oh no!" Bituin exclaimed. Everyone knew the Filipina and American had been close. Actually, Alfred had been pretty close to everyone, despite how much they complained about his annoying and loud mannerisms.

"Well, Jerk-Arthur? What do we do?" Peter asked. Everyone turned to the head of the family expectantly. Arthur scowled back at them, before sighing.

"Right then," he muttered. "Now, how many of you lot want to save that sorry excuse for an intelligent human being?" Unsurprisingly, all hands were raised. Arthur just sighed again and shook his head. "Alright… Juana, Guoliang, Chen-chi, and Matthew. This is what we're going to do…"

* * *

Matthew numbly stuffed some clothes into his knapsack as his brain went over Arthur's plan of action.

"_So here's the plan, ladies and gents. We're going to get our idiot back, but we can't do it by ourselves. We're going to have to call in a bunch of favors."_

"_What? How are favors going to save anyone?" Juana asked skeptically. _

_Arthur smiled in a way that made everyone shiver. That was the smile of Pirate Arthur. "Well, my dear, it's the __**type**__ of favor that will be saving that sorry arsehole. I'm sure you all know that I used to be, well…"_

"_Not a gentleman?" Bituin chipped in helpfully._

"_Er, yes, that. Well, when I was being…not a gentleman, I did a lot of things for a lot of people. Now, some of those things were not the most legal or noble things to do, so of course I demanded a sort of payment in return."_

"_What kind of payment?" Guoliang asked, interested despite himself._

_Arthur grinned maliciously. "A no-holds barred favor. Basically, I can ask anything of the people I worked for, and if they're smart, they won't refuse to pay their debt."_

_Chen-chi cocked her head to the side and asked, "But how does that help us rescue Alfred?"_

_Arthur met everyone's eyes and slowly said, "We are going to raise an army. Then, we're going to burn that godforsaken castle to the ground."_

Matthew sighed and shook his head. Personally, he thought that was a little extreme. He'd rather run into the castle, grab Al, and get the hell out. But he knew that this had become somewhat a matter of pride for Arthur; the green-eyed blond wouldn't stop until he thought he'd put the Lord of the castle in his "rightful place".

Matthew rolled his eyes at how prideful his older brother could be and went over his mental checklist of the items he absolutely needed to bring. _('Kumajojo, check. 3 bottles of maple syrup, check. 2 extra large boxes of pancake mix, check. A pan to cook said pancake mix, check. Extra pair of glasses, check. Clothes, check.') _Matthew smiled. He was ready.

* * *

Matthew huffed as he struggled to get his bulging knapsack down the stairs. He was almost at the landing, when he suddenly felt a dark, suffocating aura. Shivering, the blond turned and squeaked as he spotted Arthur in the living room, cackling quietly over an old and worn chair. Matthew ventured closer, and against his better judgment asked, "Arthur? W-what is that?"

Arthur turned slowly towards Matthew, an evil grin on his face. "This? This, my boy, is _Busby's Chair_."

Matthew blinked. _('What in the name of Celine Dion is Busby's Chair?') _"Um, okay, Arthur. What are you doing with it?"

"Well, I'm going to bring it with us of course! It's the ultimate weapon."

Matthew stared. "Are you going to beat people with it?" he asked sounding a little worried.

"Are you daft? Of course not! I'm going to make them…_sit in it._"

"…And _then_ you're going to beat them?"

Arthur looked at him as if he was Alfred. "Why would I beat them with it when making them sit would be much more effective?"

Matthew was now seriously confused. Before he could ask about what Busby's Chair really did, Guoliang came down the stairs with his and Chen-chi's bags. He took one look at them and stopped, setting the bags down and pulling a firecracker out of his pocket. Grabbing a match from his other pocket, he quickly swiped it on the banister and touched it to the firecracker. Without batting an eyelash, he chucked the explosive across the room towards Arthur and Busby's Chair.

Arthur gaped before jumping out of the way. Matthew watched with wide eyes as the firecracker sailed through the living room and landed neatly on Busby's Chair. Everything was calm for 2 seconds and then the firecracker exploded in a dazzling shower of sparks. He turned to see Arthur reaching towards the Chair, face set in an expression that rivaled the man's in the painting _The Scream_.

Arthur could only stare in horror as his beloved ultimate weapon, Busby's Chair, was blown into pieces. He slowly got up, staring at the demolished Chair before turning and flying at Guoliang in rage. "YOU BLOODY UNGRATEFUL TOSSER! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE?"

Guoliang shrugged at the shorter male before making his way down the stairs again, heading out the door to where Chen-chi and Juana were busy saddling the horses and checking the saddlebags to make sure everyone had adequate provisions. Arthur growled before grabbing his cutlass that he stowed in the cupboard under the stairs, and marching out the front door too. _('Thinks he can get away with destroying Busby's Chair, does he? I'll curse him so hard, he won't feel his vital regions for a week!')_

Matthew watched the both of them leave, eye twitching. Why was he the only sane one in the family? He followed his insane brothers outside, climbing up on his horse, Bieber. The horse shifted slightly to get used to the added weight, and let out a high-pitched, almost musical whinny. Matthew smiled, patting the horse's neck and turning him so that they were facing Arthur who was already astride Frog.

"Okay, does everyone remember the plan? And don't look at me like that Peter, it's for your own good."

Peter just glared harder from his place in the doorway. "But it's _no fair_, Jerk! Why do Bituin and I have to stay here while you guys get to go all over the world?"

"First of all, we are not 'going all around the world'. Juana is going to the Commonwealth of Australia, Chen-chi and Guoliang are heading to the Republic of Ireland, and Matthew and I are traveling to the Roman Empire. Second of all, you and Bituin are too young; you can barely pick up my cutlass. Lastly, what if Alfred comes back? It would be no good if we were _all_ gone."

Peter pouted, not wanting to acknowledge Arthur's logic. He turned and stomped back into the house, muttering angrily to himself. Arthur shook his head exasperatedly. There was just no pleasing that boy! He faced Bituin, who was also sulking a little, and asked, "Well? Do you know what you are supposed to do?"

Bituin glared a little before saying, "Mr. Berwald and Mr. Tino will drop by later today to watch over us. We will do what they say, and make them as comfortable as possible while they live with us, which will be about a month. We are to continue our chores as if nothing's changed."

Arthur nodded, satisfied. His eyes softened as he looked at the angry girl. "I know you want to help, Bituin, but believe me when I say that you are helping this way as well. We'll be back before you know it, all right?"

Bituin just stared at the ground, nodding reluctantly. Sighing, Arthur turned to Juana. "Do you remember what you'll be doing in Australia?"

"I'm supposed to find some guy named Steve. He's a Beast Tamer, right? I need to get past all his crazy animal guards and convince him to come with me so he can help us get Alfred back. And um, I think you said I should watch out for his koala? _Why?_ They don't look all that threatening…"

"His koala is always with him and is the fiercest animal on the face of the planet. Trust me on that one. Remember, don't stay any longer in Australia than you need to. Get back as soon as possible."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about me, Hermano. Us Mexicans are born tough!"

"Right. Anyway, Guoliang, what are you and Chen-chi going to do in Ireland?"

"We must track down a man called Ian who is rumored to be the stealthiest man in the world, despite his size. We should have no problem getting him to come back with us because he is a very honorable man who will do his best to repay his debt. However, we must take care not to be seen with him, for he is wanted dead by many people."

"Right you are. Now, Matthew and I are going to the Roman Empire to ask for a small army from the emperor, Roma, whom I helped put into power. Does anyone have any questions?"

Chen-chi cleared her throat, and whispered, "What if we don't come back a month from now?"

Arthur pursed his lips. "Then we will assume you are late and carry on with the attack." Noticing Chen-chi's downcast face, he added, "I am sure we will all make it back in one piece. Don't worry too much." Chen-chi gave him a reluctant smile and nodded. Arthur smiled back before letting his emerald gaze drift over everyone else.

He coughed awkwardly. "Well…See you lot in a month then. Come, Matthew." The Englishman urged Frog into a gallop, heading East. Matthew smiled at his older brother's obvious reluctance to having a long, hearfelt farewell and called out his goodbyes, turning Bieber to go after Arthur. Guoliang and Chen-chi left next, heading West, while Juana turned to the South to reach the port town of Dover so she could catch a ship to Australia. Bituin watched them all go before heading back inside.

She closed the door sullenly, the house suddenly feeling much larger and quieter. She turned and then jumped a foot in the air when she spotted Peter right behind her. The little blond grinned up at her. He had a knapsack in his arms and a rapier strapped to his hip. Bituin eyed him suspiciously. "What are you up to?"

"Let's go to China!" Peter suggested.

Bituin stared. "Wha-? Peter, you know we can't! We've gotta wait here in case Alfred comes back!"

Peter snorted. "What are the chances of that idiot getting back here on his own?" Bituin opened her mouth, but was cut off. "About the same as Jerk-Arthur having thin eyebrows!"

"You've got thick eyebrows too…"

"So we should go to China!" Peter yelled, completely ignoring the islander.

Bituin rolled her eyes. "Even if I wanted to, we couldn't for two reasons. One, no one is here to wait for Alfred, and two, the Opium Wars are going on in China. It's too dangerous, which is why Arthur didn't send anyone there!"

"Ugh!" Peter groaned. "Why are you being such a…a…an _Arthur_ about this? Okay, look. Those guys Berwald and Tino are coming right? We can leave them a note telling them where we went and to wait for Alfred here instead of looking for us. And we're just kids so as long we keep our heads down, stay away from major trade cities, and don't cause any trouble, we should be fine!"

Bituin raised an eyebrow. "And if a battle breaks out? You look totally British, they'd skin you alive over there if they found out you were from England!"

"Well, then, we get the hell out of there so they don't get the chance to find out I'm from England! Duh!"

The older girl shrugged, biting her lip. "I don't know…Arthur'll be really mad if he finds out."

"Then we'll just make it back here before him. What do you say? Don't you _want_ to help Alfred?"

That did it. "Okay. We'll go. Grab some paper and write that note, I'm going to go pack real quick."

Peter smirked. This would teach that jerk to leave them behind! He walked over to the kitchen, ignoring the banging and thumping upstairs that signified that his sister was packing, and grabbed a piece of paper. He scribbled a quick note explaining where he and his sister had gone, what they were going to do there, and that Berwald and Tino should not come after them for any reason whatsoever.

He had just put the note down on the kitchen table when Bituin came back downstairs, all packed and ready to go. "You finished?" she asked. Peter nodded, smiling widely. "Okay, then. We'd better go before Mr. Tino and Mr. Berwald get here!" she said, shuddering at the mental image of an angry Berwald.

Peter laughed excitedly and ran out the door. "To China!"

* * *

Tino Väinämöinen sighed in relief as the Kirkland Farm came into view. He squirmed restlessly on the saddle, causing the man behind him to grunt. Berwald Oxenstierna, the local town's blacksmith, squeezed Tino more firmly, getting his little wife to stop moving. Of course, he couldn't control the little dog in Tino's arms, who jumped out of his master's grip and ran towards the farm, barking.

"Hanatamago! Come back!" Tino yelled worriedly. "Come on, Berwald! Hurry up!" he urged, hoping his pet wouldn't get eaten by a cow or something. Berwald just grunted again, but shook the reins, making their horse go faster.

After what seemed like forever to Tino, the horse stopped in front of the Kirklands's front door. The small blond beamed, jumping off the horse and running to Hanatamago who was waiting for the two men on the doorstop. Berwald followed at a more even pace, taking in his surroundings with a never-ending scowl on his features.

Tino scooped his fluffy white dog up and began scolding him softly for running off like that, knocking firmly on the door as he did so. After standing on the porch for five minutes, Berwald lost patience and tried the door. The knob turned easily, and the two showed themselves in. After all, this wouldn't be their first time babysitting the youngest Kirklands.

Berwald wandered up the stairs to find the kids, while Tino made his way into the kitchen. He checked the pantries and cupboards to find that most of the food was gone. This was puzzling as the Kirkland house _always_ had a generous amount of food stored away. The Kirklands were a big family, and he knew that some of them _(*cough*Alfred*cough*) _ate quite a lot. Tino shook his head, closing a pantry door. They would have to go back into town to get some more groceries.

Berwald came back down the stairs, confusion making his expression even scarier. "Th' k'ds 'rn't 'n 'ny 'f th' b'dr'oms." Tino blinked at him, translating the sentence in his head. _('The kids aren't in any of the bedrooms?')_

"Maybe they're outside in the fields then? I'll go look."

"W'it." Berwald muttered, spying the note on the table. "Wh't's th't?"

"What's what?" Tino asked, turning around. After spotting the little piece of paper, he shared a glance with Berwald and picked it up, reading through it quickly. Berwald watched curiously as his little wife paled considerably and started to shake.

"Wh't's th' m'tter, w'fe?" he asked, concerned.

Tino shot him an embarrassed and annoyed look at the moniker. So _what_ if he cooked, cleaned, paid the bills, and was always on the bottom concerning certain bedroom activities? That did not make him the wife! And so what if Berwald was always working in the smithy and had more muscular arms from being a blacksmith and had a deep, sexy voice and was bigger than him _down there…_

"T'no?" Berwald asked worriedly. His wife had totally spaced out.

Tino shook his head, Berwald's voice effectively bringing him back from Lala Land. The small violet-eyed blond began to shake again, as the gravity of their position fully weighed down on him. "Peter and Bituin have run away, to China. What do we do, Berwald?" Tino wailed, lower lip starting to tremble.

Berwald's eyes widened. "Wh't?" he asked in a dangerously quiet voice.

Tino was too much into his panic attack to notice. "They've run away! They want to go to China to find some Wang Yao guy! What are we going to do, Berwald? If Arthur finds out we lost his siblings, he's going to kill us!"

Berwald growled, grabbing Tino's arm and dragging him back outside to where their horse was grazing lazily. "Berwald?" Tino murmured, looking up at the man he loved.

The Swedish man looked right back at him, a hard frown on his face. "W're g'ing t' f'nd th'se k'ds and br'ng th'm b'ck."

"But how are we going to find them? They could be absolutely anywhere right now!"

Berwald's face softened as he looked at his lover's eyes, gleaming with unshed tears of worry. "Shhh. C'lm d'wn. F'rst we 're g'ing t' go b'ck t' th' v'llage…"

Tino could only nod in acceptance to Berwald's plan, which was actually quite good. They would go back to the village and ask Tino's little brother, Dagur, to watch over the Kirkland farm and keep all the livestock alive. Then they would find a man who was supposedly a skilled tracker. At least, Berwald had heard that the Korean man, Im Yong Soo, was very good at finding people from the gossip in the tavern The Black Rabbit.

Berwald was sure that he would be able to help them find the kids, if not Wang Yao himself. Tino just hoped that they would find Bituin and Peter safe and sound. The forests of England were not safe places, and heaven forbid they actually make it to China before Berwald and himself found them.

_('Please, please, please be safe.) _He prayed, as he and Berwald raced back to the village, panic and worry gripping them like a vice.

* * *

So Berwald and Tino get dragged into the mess as well! Along with Im Yong Soo apparently ^^ Bituin and Peter are headed for a whole lot of trouble DX For the next chapter, would you guys like to see more of what's going on outside the castle, or more RusAme interaction? The former is nearly done, so if you vote for it, it'll be up quicker than the other one, and it DOES have the Bad Friends Trio in it for real this time. The RusAme one is mostly Ivan-centric and it'll reveal why he did what he did and show more of the inner workings of the castle. Sooo yeah. Oh, and yes, Justin Bieber was totally a horse in a past life ;D

**Notes!:**

**Translations!: **

Hermano: Spanish for brother

Tosser: British slang for someone who is a jerk. Literal meaning is someone who masturbates ._. Alternative word for it is wanker.

**Trivia!:**

Firecrackers are actually illegal in Malaysia, the Republic of Ireland, Sweden, Singapore, Canada, Taiwan (only in urban areas though), and some areas of the United States**, **Indonesia, and Hong Kong. However, these places usually lift the ban around New Year's since many Chinese people celebrate the New Year by setting off fireworks and firecrackers.

The Black Rabbit is an actual pub in West Sussex, an English province.

If you type in google. cm you get the French version of google :/

**References!: **I'm guessing most of you have seen the Disney Beauty and the Beast where Gaston rallies a bunch of angry villagers to storm the castle. This is sort of like that, but more international ^^

**Review Please!**


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